Dear, World. Love, Jenny.

Hello. Tagal ko na na hindi pumunta rito. Hindi ko rin alam bakit ako nandito ulit.

Pero ayun. Tapos na ang 2024. Nasaan na ba ako. Hmm. Hindi ko alam. Pakiramdam ko umuusad naman ako sa buhay pero yung mga bagahe ko mula noon dala dala ko pa rin. Oras na siguro para ibaba sila. Iwan sila sa tabi. Matagal na dapat. Pero hindi ko alam bakit hindi ako makawala talaga.

Yun lang. Sana sa 2025 makalaya nako. Palayain niyo na ako.

Hello. 👋

2024. I don’t want to be sad and anxious anymore. I don’t want to chase anyone anymore. I don’t want to not believe in myself anymore. Please be kind and easy. Because im getting tired of fighting.

Love and light, 2024. Love and light.

Lately it’s hard to focus on things. Maybe I’ve been looking at the wrong places, thinking unnecessary thoughts, feeling the wrong emotions. Or maybe it’s just what it is — a rough time —which I know would eventually pass. Focus, Jen. Focus on more important things.

I waved the white flag. I called time-out. I stopped and went home.

The past couple of weeks, I’ve been busy doing 3-4 things for work all at once, studying for in service exams, preparing for some more projects. As a second year resident I know things would level up but I didn’t expect that I can’t just supergirl my way through it. I aint a superhero. I’m human, afterall.

So monday night I said, that’s it, I surrender, I raised the white flag. Maybe it was too late for me to recognize the burn out but with all the symptoms I’m having, and all the crying everynight despite having my friends around helping/supporting me, I knew that it was time to stop. This time, I can’t fight. This time, I need to reset.

So I took a short leave. Just 3 days so I could breathe. Away from all the toxicities in the hospital, away from half of my worries, away from being Doc Jen.

So I took Troop and went straight to Iriga. It’s my second day (Wednesday) as I write. Apart from sleeping, I was able to do some stuff I love.

1. I re-read my favorite part of the book “Before the coffee gets cold” (see previous post for this).
2. I was able to finally assemble this Mobile Suit Gundam
3. I was able to re-invent both my old art and old poem, put them together to make this masterpiece (naks!):
4. I was able to listen to new songs
5. They prepared my fave food: seafood and tilapia, haha
6. And ooooh, I get to eat champorado, too!
7. Lastly, for this 2nd day, I was able to make a poster in 5 minutes because our seniors passed the Diplomate Exams for PAFP. They are always inspiring. Sana ako din, in due time! 🙂

When I get back to work on Friday, it will be our OSCE. So I still have tomorrow to choose if I’m still going to chill or cram for the pracs. Oh well, whatever. As long as when I come back to work, I bounce back better!